The other day I went to the gym for the first time in 3 years. I hate to admit it, but I have resistance and fear of going to the gym. Probably because I don’t like to be seen struggling or looking weak. The day I decided to go to the gym I woke up and felt the following which are classic signs of fear and resistance.
- I was too cold, I wanted to stay in bed and be comfy
- I was too tired, only 6 hours of sleep (not terrible), but maybe I’ll just start tomorrow
- I was afraid of being around other people in the gym, what if it was crowded?
- What if I see someone I know? I’ll be embarrassed because I don’t know what I’m doing yet.
- What if I look dumb lifting weights? I’m such a nerd.
- Maybe I’ll just run around my neighborhood instead.
- Maybe I’ll just do some yoga at my house instead.
- Maybe I’ll spend $2,000 on a treadmill and run at home.
I had to stop thinking. I just laced up my shoes and drove to the gym. I paid for my annual membership and went straight to the treadmill. It actually wasn’t crowded at all at 7am. Once I started running, I felt comfortable. But then I wanted to do weights, and I felt the fear again, the resistance. So I walked over and grabbed some weights (there was another guy there, so I felt like he was looking at me). I just started doing my thing. Once I owned it, I felt comfortable. Then I wanted to do situps on the mat, I felt fear like people are going to see me. But I went over and did it anyway.
I could do this today because there was a larger force at work – my higher self and his encouragement. MY encouragement and inner sense of knowing THIS is who I am. I’m just allowing myself to be WHO I ALREADY AM. And getting out of my own way. I have a vision of my higher self and that is my potential. My higher self is already fit and healthy, and confident, and funny, and intelligent. The more I follow my joy and passions and personal development, the more like him I become.
I’m getting the feeling that what I see in my mind as my personal guidance, the attitude and “energy” that I sense, is really ME at my highest potential. It only speaks to me in kind and loving ways and is never condescending or negative. And that’s who I am. This is where it gets deep. My higher self is using THIS incarnation in physical reality to experience itself, and I’m realizing my full potential. My full potential is beyond my imaginations. The intelligence, the wisdom, the talents, the abilities, the humor, the wit, etc.
There have been moments where I felt like my higher self was merging with my physical self, and I could feel his energy, I felt like I could do anything! When I feel doubtful or scared, I can ask for that merging of energy and feel it. And going to the gym is an opportunity to allow my true self to express itself in physical reality.
So again, I wanted to go to the gym to finally work on my body, my physical body – not just mind and spirit. And I had fear/resistance. But an inner guidance telling me to do it. I trusted it and moved past the fear and as a result I grew a little bit today. Oh yeah, I also ran for 15 minutes on a treadmill and did a bunch of reps with dumbbells but that’s just a side effect!